• Troi

For a good time call Liz

Updated: May 7

LINCOLN,NE—

Residents refer to the odd scrawl on the wall of the Pine Cone Tavern's lavatory as nothing short of revelatory. The black permanent marker that's been up for four months now reads 'For a good time call Liz (402)555-3333.'


The sign may be right. Liz Hawkins, daughter to Horace and Mildred Perkins of Walton, frequently provides several local residents with much-needed relief. "Hit me with a biscuit!" says Inglebert Flagg, 46, of Palmyra."She is hot to trot!"


"Her reputation preceded her and she didn't let me down," says thirty-nine year-old Rudwow Teague from out of town.


"I'm glad I didn't listen to the sign that said I wasn't allowed back there. She worked it like no other," relays Gabriel Grouse who needs no introduction."I feel like a new man."


But not all Lincoln residents are feeling so welcoming. "That business at the Pine Cone, combined with the mulberry sap-licking the teenagers are doing, are going to bring this town down the tubes," Marjorie Robbins of Smithsville says.






"Eleanor Fitzsimmons says they come back from there smelling like French perfume and spirits," inveighs Picklejoe Roose."It's nothing short of disgraceful."


"They ought to string her up on a rail and run her tailfeathers out of town like the Root doctors in Dodge City," Tinstork Wallaby says.


Father Lurkins of the local parish isn't so sure. "Someone ought to do something," he says."Who ought to do what, I leave up to the persons who do things like this to people like that. So maybe this is a matter for those persons to deal with."


At press time, Liz Johnson was unavailable for comment.

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