• Troi

Area Hippies permastoned by new Superdrug

Updated: Apr 21, 2020

New wax reduced frog feces puts brain on hiatus


WAUKEGEN, IL--It started small and innocently enough. The kids call it Precious Fro, Foreskin Baby, or simply Pussy . Wade Prowdhome, 22, recollects, "I caught a dime for twenty bucks. Down by the greenbelt. I am allergic to, like, everything so I gave it to my friend Trish."


Trish, unfortunately, took the entire bindle. According to Prowdhome, "she began counting upwards. But when she got to eight she began inventing numbers." Then things got ugly. "She put sugar on my cat and bit its tail." A day later, Trish Volpizoid, 19, was admitted to the emergency room of United Hospital.


Voplizoid's attending physician, Ben Quoriz, diagnosed her thus. "She complained of a really bad earache," he explained. But after an hour, dispensing 1,000 mg ibuprofen the symptoms were no better. "Her pupils were like the Marvel cave and she walked on all fours. She broke my rib when she went to the toilet," Quiroz explained."Numero uno. She opened a fire hydrant with that one, no joke."


"Numero uno. She opened a fire hydrant with that one, no joke."

This hellish new prodigy scientists are calling WRFF originates in labs near ponds and streams. Working with graduated cylinders and Bunsen burners to condense amphibian feces to 200:1 its original volume. The resulting product is stamped with 4 pixel icons and sold at campgrounds, festivals and playgrounds.




UW Health clinician Tubeford Willis explains, "Dab and vapes were a drop in the bucket. You know about forgetting your name, you're so stoned? WRFF makes you forget your species."


"You know about forgetting your name, you're so stoned? WRFF makes you forget your species."




Waukeganites weren't the only ones floundering with the toad intoxicant. Law enforcement is pessimistic the public will learn of the threat before writing off their lives, potentially, for good. Sheriff Rusty Lewis of Grand Rapids says, "People elect to ingest WRFF, usually rectally. Some axillary topicals can still talk a little. We get 10-15 calls a day. Usually disturbing the peace, disorderly intoxication. When Froggers, we call them Froggers, are in lockup the overwhelming majority immediately study the floor. For days."




Volpizoid is now under the care of an exorcist.


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